Impossible

So...Tomorrow is October 2rd.
A Saturday.
A day of hangovers and family outings.
For me...?
It's going to grantee to be a day of torture and hell...
I'm doing to impossible....Having lunch with my mother. :(
It's all going to go tits-up I can see that happening already....
But I spoke to her today and she did something that I NEVER thought would happen....She held me when I cried....She may of been telling me not to be stupid as she was holding me...but she did and for a moment...it was only a moment...but just for the moment...I felt safe...I felt like a little girl in her mothers arms that was untouchable....that was...like I could fly away if  I wanted to....Is that silly?
It probably is....But I've never felt like that since I was around 5...
So tomorrow is going to be bad because she is going to be regretting that..and well we are having food.
[Sighs]
Food is a BIG issue in my life and it's hard to talk about....
I dont even think I could write it down it hurts too much....
But she used to have a problem with food too and she recovered....She thinks I did too....she thinks there is nothing wrong with me....She doesnt have a clue...which I guess makes it harder...But I couldnt tell her that...I may hate her at times and she hates me most of the time...But I could never hurt her like she hurt me...No matter what she did. She is still my mother....
I guess you really cant choose who you love.....
So wish me luck......?
-Kristy xoxo