Moving.

So I'm moving on the 1st of next month.
It's crazy....I never thought I'd leave a place like this. I love it here it actually feels like home..my first home. But me and C have made a pact to speak to each other everyday and once every 2 weeks we will take it in turns to drive up and down to see each other for the weekend so hopefully it wont change that much...right?
I'm re-starting college in the 8th I think...so that's going to be great hopefully, it will be nice to go back to normality. I wont be taking many classes because of the stupid illness thing, it's horrible because I cant really plan stuff ahead because I never know when I will go ill. It makes things more complicated all the freaking time. But I will learn to deal with it, I mean there are many people worse off then me with more worse illness or injuries. 
My mother is moving before me because I have made plans to take the children I babysit for, trick-or-treating. Which I'm actually excited about, I've always loved Halloween. It's the one night of the year you can be someone completely new without people thinking wrongly of you.
Thats another problem...I'm not the girl I say I'am I changed my name when I moved...and she;s saying that when we move I have to remain the person I was...the person I actually am.
I like Kristy though...I've always been Kristy I have no clue why I guess when I wanted to be someone else I could just be me, the real me. I'am me...The person I was wasn't me at all....it was the girl that was brought up to be her. I'm not making sense. 
But I will still be me and she will just have to be the only one that calls me by my old name and treats me like the old me.
I never liked the old me. 
I was horrible....How I thought about it, was > Your not going to love me, so if I'm horrible to you I get there first.
It was wrong, but when you were always told that you were a horrible person and completely worthless to the world....you do start believing. I still think it all the time to be honest and it breaks my heart every time but it's just something I have to learn to deal with I guess.
It always surprises me when someone say 'I love you' to me, or says they care...I'm always reluctant to say it because I'm always in the fear that everything I love will just leave. 
It always seems that way.
So will this be a new start?
Or will it go worse?
Guess I will soon find out.
Love - Kristy xoxo