2010

The year I learnt what love was.

The year I realized how truly messed up the world was.

The year I found the people I could trust with my thoughts.

The year I moved from my first home.

The year I forgave.

The year I found out that one little thing you had never truly thoughts about could flip your entire world.

The year I found him.

This year has been a very full and unhappy but yet joyful year. In the beginning I had just broken contact with an ex and I was learning to fend for myself again. It stayed that way for a very long amount of months. I wasn’t a party-girl but I wasn’t a stay at home on a Saturday girl either. I was lost… Just a very lost person who had given up home on being able to cure my life. Then on the 5th of May 2010 I decided to restart roleplay on a certain website known as twitter. I decided not to be who I wanted to be on there because what was the point? I didn’t trust them, they are fictional characters people had made up. I didn’t want a roleplay partner and I found peace. As the follower count raised I changed. I became myself and yes I lost some people over that but I quickly learnt that being me was better than the fake one. 

I changed my choice, I found a roleplay mate and it was okay.. Not perfect but he was a good roleplayer and although he didn’t come online often, that oddly made it easier to accept. 

Then one day I met a certain male, he thanked me for following his ‘Personal’ account from his Edward one. I didn’t see much out of it but he was sweet and that good because it made me smile. I still remember where I was that day and who I was with. 

We spoke and spoke for a very long while, I found I was falling into something too deep.. I liked him, a very large amount and although I was ‘with’ someone on there it turned into something more with him before I could even tell what was happening. 

I fell in love and not in roleplay way, in a hurts to be away from him, heart racing, unable to stop smiling, love. 

I found a circle of good friends, roleplay sisters that often seem like my real life sisters. They understand and they are fun to be around. I saw I had them and I had someone to love, so I did the only thing I could, made a new account and started over. Itr was hard to delete the other account because I had so many fond memories with other friends there but I would give anything up for him and that was a simple thing to do.

I’m not going to lie, it’s been an incredibly hard journey to be where I am now with him. But it’s been completely worth it. 

My mother came back into my life late this year and it was strange and painful to see her but she told things, things I couldn’t comprehend to even think about. But I have no control of my life, she does and I have to do what she want, of which she likes to remind me a lot of the time. I’ve moved, a very long trip away from my two very great guys. The two friends who have been there for me since I first moved there. It was hard to accept moving away but I had to help my mother. I guess she can hurt me as much as she wants but I have more forgiveness than her.

Now on the 1st of January 2011, I am still with my love, still living with my mother and her so-called ‘Partner’ and I still speak to my sisters, maybe not as often as I used to but it’s complicated now. I don’t regret anything though.

I've made so many mistakes this year, so many incredibly huge mistakes that I wish I could take back but it’s okay because I know, no matter what I have someone that will be there to say “It will be okay” even if it wont be. I believe in them and I believe they wont let me down. I’d like to thank those because they have helped me cope through this year and I don’t think I would be okay if I hadn’t been speaking to them. I’m not worthy of their words or their love or trust but I thank the world every single day that they are in my life. 

I don’t know whats going to happen this year but I know one thing; I wont be alone anymore. And that’s just priceless. 

I dont have many resoulutions this year, normally I have a large list but this year there is only 4 things I want to do:

1) Help.

2) Have more self respect.

3) Decide what I want to do in the future.

4) Keep everyone I love happy, no matter what it takes. 

There are others but they seem to be the only important ones. ^^

So thats been my year, lets just hope some things will change and some will stay the same. 

Thankyou for reading and if you are... Thankyou for also being there. 

Kristy xoxo