When I was younger I believed in miracles. I believed in the happy ending the was in everybody’s reach; But as I grew older I no longer believed in fairytales. I didn’t believe that the prince would actually save the princess from the darkness filled night. Nobody gets the happily ever after they deserve because life will always surprise you. 
At the age of 5, my father left. I remember the night fully, I remember the branches of the trees knocking against the window, I remember holding him tightly clinging onto his chest. But most importantly, I remember him whispering into my ear “I’m sorry, I will love you no matter what.” Him and my mother had been arguing all day long, truth be told it had been a few weeks of shouting and tears but I was young, I was naïve. In the back of my mind, I knew he was going to not be here when I woke. I tried to keep my eyes open but slowly they closed and I lost my battle. I lost him. If I would of managed to keep my eyes open maybe I wouldn’t of lost him but it’s impossible to change the past.
When I was 11, I had began getting home schooled. It was mostly because my mother had thrown herself into her work and we had lost each other over the 7 years. We no longer spoke in a motherly and daughter fashion. We didn’t smile often and I guess, I thought that was normal. She was rather give me some money to keep me quiet which never worked, I bought her gifts which she never thanked me for. In the end I just used to save it, In hope that one day I could run.. Run away from her and run away from my life. 
At 13 I found out about the kidney disease that I had contracted from the family blood. It didn’t change anything, some pain, finding out the possibility of having children was slim. One of the days that changed my life. My mother was never without an indult for me at this point and I was losing it. I blamed myself each day, I hated my body and her constantly calling me “Fat” or insulting my clothing just made the hatred grow. I began self harming and making myself throw up after eating. I became ill, mentally and physically. I began to give up and I no longer wanted to live in this hard and hurtful world. Yes, I took some pills and I really wanted to leave. My mother found me and I became fine again. Well, not fine. I was drinking often and I partied. I did it by myself, not with people. I wanted to be alone. In the confounds on my bedroom. That’s when I realized I was being selfish, there were millions of human beings and children out there fighting for their lives and I was giving up on my own. that’s when I changed. 
When I was 15, we moved to London.. She decided to take a break from work. At the time I didn’t know what was wrong but now I look back I do. I became someone new, I went from Rebecca the girl that made so many mistakes and was a selfish girl to Kristy, the girl that would never remove the smile off her lips or never say that love is out of your reach. On my first day of college, I didn’t meet many people. I ran into a rather handsome young man, latterly. Just FYI: never read and walk. I tumbled him to the ground and it was a pretty humiliating experience.J That night there was a party so I decided to attend mostly for the reason of showing my face so I don’t seem very weird. I went onto balcony and met a very gothic looking guy. His name was Chris, he was 18 and we began to speak, it turns out that he was there because he was bisexual and some idiot guys were making fun of him because they said no girl would ever date him. Typical cruel guy things. Oh, I almost forgot earlier that evening whilst I was just wandering around the house there was this jerk of a guy that slapped my butt and said “Hi sexy..” he was a complete twat so I told him to go to hell. I’m pretty cool like that. :P Joke. Anyway so I was speaking to Chris and I went to get us drinks when I came back they were all surrounding him and just trying to cause a fight. It was the same butt-slapping loser so I went over and did the only logical thing I could think of; I snogged Chris. Now I think back I don’t even know what I was thinking but it made the guys all back off and their expressions were very hilarious. It worked and they left him alone. I still speak to him everyday and he is very much my other half. 
In the same year I began dating Jesse, it was a good relationship I thought I was in love. He took me to find my father… It was, it was meant to be the most perfect of my life. But he has a family now, he has a wife and two beautiful boys. My half brothers. I understand why he didn’t want me in his life, I would of wrecked it all. He said I wasn’t worthy of his time and to go home. When my mother found out she left, she told me to go with he but I realised I would be happier by myself. I did what I wanted and that was the day I learnt people always leave the people they love, even if it’s for their own good. 
Me and Jesse were closer than ever and one single day, 24 hours everything changed. But like I knew, fairytales don’t happen. He was jealous of Chris and we had an explosive argument, he went out and… Slept with a girl. Which was even harder because I was a virgin and he said he understood, I should of known that. We parted. He begged me to forgive him but it just wasn’t going to work out. 
At 16 Chris talked me into joining a little website called “Twitter” I had previously joined there and left because of an ass RP partner. But I decided to re-join just for the hell of it. It went okay at first, I faked the person I was. I acted like a bitch and it made people leave me alone and not take me for granted. I met an “Edward Cullen” RPer and seen as myself was a “Bella Swan” it seemed natural just to RP together. But meanwhile seen as we seemed like an okay RP couple on the main timeline I was falling in love in messages with a different guy. A guy that was loveable, thoughtful, caring, sexiest, gracious, kind-hearted, deep-filled, sweet, beautiful, most-desirable and wonderful. He was the guy that fixed my trust, fixed my life. I soon became afraid to lose him. Everyday when I went online I was scared of seeing that he had left but what was worse was; he wasn’t mine to lose. I left the “Edward” and made a new account a partly RL account. I basically asked him to be with me and I really thought he was going to say no. But to my surprise he said yes and that was the beginning of a new chapter of my meaningless life. 
My mother came back into my life in the beginning of October of 2010 and I hadn’t spoke to her since the previous March. It was crazy seeing her and awkward at the best of times. She had broke my heart and I didn’t know what to do. If it wasn’t for the guy at the other end of the computer I really wouldn’t of coped. He showed me what I had to loose and it made me give her a second chance. I was terrified. She literally forced me to move back to my home town of Wales, UK. It was hard saying goodbye to Chris and Jesse but I still speak to them very often. It’s only a 10-11 hour car drive and Jesse being the guy he is, is always willing to drive down. He is my miracle.
Me and my mother still aren’t getting along, most days we don’t even talk. It’s heart-breaking and it’s very difficult to see her act like this.
Through it all; the lies from guys, the falling in love with a guy at the opposite end of the world, the drifting apart from my mother, the living alone at 15, the starting fresh in a new college, the learning to be alone and most importantly the lose of my father which now I look back I don’t regret him leaving, I wish I could of stayed awake to keep myself to him, or even for him to take me with him on that night, but everything happens for a reason right? Seen as if I hadn’t lost him, I would never of parted from my mother, I never would of decided to live alone so I never would of met Chris, he wouldn’t of made me make the twitter so I never would of met him. The guy that is the reason I’m attempting to stay strong. The guy that makes me smile each day. The guy that made me believe in happily ever afters. 
I want things to change, I want to be happier and I no longer want to cry. I still want to escape, some days I just wish I could buy a plane ticket and run without looking back. Who knows… maybe one day I will, I will leave this life that I have caused by myself.