19/03/2011
13/03/2011
Truth is… some days I’ am fine. I’m me.
But then these other days I’m really not okay in the slightest and that over shadows the good days.
I need help.
And the more time I speak to him… or speak to those two beautiful girls that I would be proud to call sisters… the more time I spend with them, the more I want to get better.
It’s not fair if I drag them down with me, what gives me the right to do that to them?
I don’t want to be their burden… I won’t be his burden.
But each day it’s getting harder to wake up.
It’s getting harder to take that first breath.
Perfection. it’s what I think will make things better.
If I dress perfect, no hair out of line.
Give the right advice to the people who need it.
Make sure everywhere doesn’t have a speck of dust so it’s perfectly clean.
Everything is planned to the schedule.
I can’t be done though. it’s exhausting to hold up this persona that just isn’t me.
I want to hide.
Just escape this reality that I’m living.
I’m not getting better… I’ve tried the counselling, I’ve tried the pills, I've tried here…
But nothing is okay nor getting better. And I’m drained from trying.
How can I go on like this? How can I keep faking it?
I don’t understand how she doesn’t know…
Why cant she just see the truth?
Can’t she see the tears?
I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel so lost and so alone and yet I’ve got this gut ranching feeling, that is guilt. There’s so much pain in this world, yet I’m complaining? it’s so god damn selfish.
I just… can’t.
Once I press 'publish post' in a few seconds, I will wipe my tears, put on a smile and continue with my day.
Because, what else can I do?
It'll only end badly.
- Kristy-Anne xxx
But then these other days I’m really not okay in the slightest and that over shadows the good days.
I need help.
And the more time I speak to him… or speak to those two beautiful girls that I would be proud to call sisters… the more time I spend with them, the more I want to get better.
It’s not fair if I drag them down with me, what gives me the right to do that to them?
I don’t want to be their burden… I won’t be his burden.
But each day it’s getting harder to wake up.
It’s getting harder to take that first breath.
Perfection. it’s what I think will make things better.
If I dress perfect, no hair out of line.
Give the right advice to the people who need it.
Make sure everywhere doesn’t have a speck of dust so it’s perfectly clean.
Everything is planned to the schedule.
I can’t be done though. it’s exhausting to hold up this persona that just isn’t me.
I want to hide.
Just escape this reality that I’m living.
I’m not getting better… I’ve tried the counselling, I’ve tried the pills, I've tried here…
But nothing is okay nor getting better. And I’m drained from trying.
How can I go on like this? How can I keep faking it?
I don’t understand how she doesn’t know…
Why cant she just see the truth?
Can’t she see the tears?
I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel so lost and so alone and yet I’ve got this gut ranching feeling, that is guilt. There’s so much pain in this world, yet I’m complaining? it’s so god damn selfish.
I just… can’t.
Once I press 'publish post' in a few seconds, I will wipe my tears, put on a smile and continue with my day.
Because, what else can I do?
It'll only end badly.
- Kristy-Anne xxx
12/03/2011
05/03/2011
Of all the things I believe in
I just want to get it over with
tears from behind my eyes
but I do not cry
Counting the days that past me by
I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
Looks like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend and I say
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I love
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems like I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes till you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light but it's not right
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
Ohhh yeah
It hurts to want everything & nothing at the same time
I want whats yours and I want whats mine
I want you but I'm not giving in this time
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
We the stars fall and I lie awake
Your my shooting star
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